What is there to do when all you can do is wait.
on waiting for job responses, living at home, and figuring out what to do when there's nothing to do
If you have read my posts in the past, you probably have heard about me complaining about the job seeking process. It then comes as a surprise to no one that I am still waiting and I really do not know when this purgatory will be over.
About a month ago I was doom-scrolling LinkedIn (pathetic, I know) and I came across a job listing that interested me a LOT. Instead of applying right away, I decided to take the unique approach of messaging the person who posted the job first. To my surprise, she actually responded and we had a great chat over zoom about the position and her love for the company. I was elated when I found out the hiring manager reached out to me to schedule an initial screening interview.
Three interviews later, I am currently waiting to see if I got the job. I was in this exact same position last winter after 4 rounds of interviews and 2 weeks of waiting, just to find out I did not get the job. I am petrified that this will happen again. I am beyond envious of recent graduates who have a stable job in an industry that relates to their degree. I know, how capitalistic of me.
To pass the time, I have tried to start up my environmental Instagram account & podcast, Skeptical Saturdays again, but I have been struggling to find interest in it as I do not enjoy instagram at all. Whenever I do make a post on there, I find myself scrolling through my feed for the next 45 minutes or so, forgetting the original intention of the post. I have always struggled with the purpose of educational, informative social media accounts because how informative can they actually be if the general audience will just continue to scroll?
That Instagram and this Substack have both been an attempt to make something of myself outside of work, to give myself purpose. However, maybe that is where I have gone wrong. Maybe all I need to do outside of my working life is whatever I want to do, regardless of the impact it has on people. With my Instagram account, I really wanted to grab people’s attention surrounding negative, or even false climate news, but in doing so, my mental health and stable grasp on the world dwindled. I believe I would find more solace in volunteering at a community stream clean-up (which I signed up for today). Everyone just wants to be somebody within the virtual realm, and it is exhausting. I think our only purpose is to exist and enjoy doing it, not to bombard people with pressing topics on a constant basis, convincing them that what they are saying is most important. At the end of the day, who cares!
Going back to my eternal job-seeking crisis, I just want to be able to update those around me about my recent career strides if I receive this job. I want to show that I am just as worthy as the next person. At this stage in my life most of my internal worth is only career focused, and I wish I did not feel this way. During those four years of undergrad, they really drilled into my head that being a little worker is all that matters. I know I could just get my old job back at the coffee shop, but I have such intense anxieties surrounding my need to put my degree to use, especially given that my first student loan payment is next month.
I honestly do not expect many people to read my posts, as it is just a place for me to rant with practically zero repercussions. If you are a subscriber, I apologize that most of these posts are heavily career-focused and gloomy, but to be frank, I am reaching the brink of insanity with this waiting game. I totally get I am not alone, and that I should be thankful I can live with my parents, and I have very little responsibilities right now. I truly am in my Hannah Horvath arc, and I hate it but like to think I do not victimize myself as much as she does.
If I could go back in time, I would have chosen a degree that has a direct pipeline into the workforce, like teaching. Environmental science is way too broad, although interesting, I really do not know what I would enjoy doing with it. Lets just hope I receive an answer about the position this week, whether good or bad, I literally just want an answer.